I’m usually 25 and round up. Probably closer to 30.

I named my gerbil Smith because it’s my mother’s maiden name. Let me introduce you to my rabbit, 329-06-2789. I named him that so I wouldn’t forget my social security number.

I found Pliny frozen in my garage at like maybe 2 weeks old. (Door had blown open somehow) Thought he was dead until he moved his eye right as I was tossing him in a trash can. Had to bottle feed him and he was super sick, so I didn’t think he’d make it. Didn’t name him, just called him Tiny. Once he recovered and it was clear that he owned me, I started calling him Pliny because it sounded kind of like Tiny and was a beer that I really enjoyed at the time. He’s still super small 12 years later, so I think he was left behind because he was the runt. Or being frozen stunted his growth.

Taco Bob is named Taco Bob because we were drunk.

Ouch. Why?

And a cat.

In that case, a cure for allergies.

A cat.

According to one of my favorite shorts of all time, the answer is “I don’t know”